Those who know me well know that I have traits of a certain 92-year old woman.
Like when I
steal take a few extra packets of Splenda (20 counts as “extra,” right?) from Starbucks or make it my personal mission in life to take every sample at the grocery store or any extra food leftover from a work party. Free is free….am I right? Or am I left?
Like how my purse holds more snacks than money. Or the fact that I run races just to get the free food afterwards. Or that I have a trail of crumbs following me at all times. Moreover, how I get really cranky (and annoying) when Matt eats my entire snack pack container of almonds every time we’re in the car for longer than 15 minutes.
Mommmmmmm, tell him to stopppp! It’s so not fair – he never packs his own snacks.
That said (er, whined), you can imagine my reaction a couple of months ago when Matt & I went to see G.Love at the 9:30 Club in DC…a venue that, prior to my knowledge, doesn’t allow any sort of food or drink through the gate.
Usually these rules don’t apply to me. I mean…seriously, are you really going to take my container of graham cracker goldfish? Have you no soul?
Well…the bouncer searched my purse and while he missed the container of graham cracker goldfish (sucker!), his eye DID catch my brand new Z Bar. And by “brand new,” I mean it was the one granola bar in my purse that was still in its original rectangle shape and had yet to be discovered by my always-hungry husband.
This story is getting very tough to me to share, but for you my dear blog readers, I will continue….
ANYWAYS, the little lint licker reached INTO my purse, pulled the delicious and nutritious Chocolate Chip Z Bar out, stared pathetically at me and said, “You can’t take this in.” I scrambled for an excuse (why oh why didn’t I say I had low blood sugar? Medical records of an abnormally fast metabolism? A note from my therapist citing my ongoing problem with hoarding snacks?) but no words came out. I looked at Matt, who was holding back laughing at my ridiculous pain and just shook my head and whispered, “okay.” That said, the evil bouncer chucked the full bar into the trash. I was not only livid with him for my own personal psychotic reasons (why I didn’t just stuff the entire bar in my face is beyond me) but also for his bar colleagues. That would have been a great snack to have while checking IDs for the next hour! I mean seriously of all the food to throw in the trash…
Okay, I’ll stop. Is anyone even reading this still? I won’t be upset if you already defriended me on Facebook… I realize I may not seem like the type of person you’d want to admit knowing. But I promise, if we’re friends and we happen to be stuck somewhere for a long time and you’re hungry…I got you, boo.
Homemade Chocolate Chip “Z” Bars
adapted from Peas and Thank You – one of my very favorite blogs that is now, as far as I can tell, out of commission.
Makes 10 bars
- 1/2 cup old-fashioned oats
- 1/2 cup oat flour (or old-fashioned oats ground into a flour)
- 1/2 cup vanilla protein powder (or an additional 1/2 c. of oat flour)
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1 tablesoon baking powder
- 1/2 cup + 2 tablespoons unsweetened applesauce
- 1/2 cup + 2 tablespoons non-dairy milk
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
- brown sugar to taste
- 1/4 cup + 3 tablespoons chocolate chips, divided
- 1 t. coconut oil (or vegetable oil if you’re like me and STILL have not purchased coconut oil)
1) Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease or spray an 8×8 pan with cooking spray and set aside.
2) In a large bowl, combine oat flour, oats, protein powder, baking powder, salt and cinnamon. In a smaller bowl, combine applesauce, vanilla and milk.
3) Add applesauce mixture to oat mixture and stir until just combined. Add brown sugar to taste. Fold in 1/4 cup of chocolate chips.
4) Pour mixture into baking pan and bake for 20-25 minutes, until bar is set and pulling away from edge of pan.
5) Allow to cool completely before cutting (the 5-year old child inside of me did not let me do this. Therefore I ate about 3 bars’ worth of crumbly goodness).
6) For chocolate drizzle, place remaining chocolate chips in a resealable plastic bag and microwave in 30 second increments, kneading bag until chocolate has melted. Add coconut oil or vegetable oil into the bag and knead again until well combined.
7) Snip a little corner of the bag with scissors. Pipe chocolate across cooled bars and stick bars in fridge or freezer to allow chocolate to set.
Store remaining bars in the fridge.
Or in your purse. Just make sure your purse has really cool secret pockets.